Gay For The Guv
by victoriarosetimelord
Summary: A stupid crack!fic after my friend, and then Supermac's files on the BBC site just wouldn't let the idea that Ray was a 'bit gay'...No pairing, just silliness!


CID was its usual hive of activity.

Gene was perfecting his 'bullseye' in his office, Chris and Shaz were giggling in the tiny kitchenette and Ray stubbed out his cigarette in the nearest ashtray, swiftly lighting up another in its place.

He glanced over at the Guv's office, meeting Alex's gaze in the process.

Both looked away in a split-second, one with a scowl and one with a blush reaching her cheeks.

Alex stood up and made her way over to Ray's desk, perching on the only clear space not littered with unfinished paperwork, fag packets and magazines.

She leant down towards him slightly and lowered her voice as much as she could.

"Ray, how about you and me go for a quick drink?"

"Blimey, 'av you finally fallen for my irresistible chat-up lines?" Alex rolled her eyes and sighed.

"Get your coat before I slap you and talk about this here."

"Ma'am?"

"Now Ray..."

******

Alex put the drinks down on the table and sat down opposite the burly DS.

She'd purposely chosen somewhere other than Luigi's, neutral ground she'd thought.

"So...how long have you been in love with your DCI?" Alex looked over her glass over wine and the now extremely uncomfortable looking sergeant.

"With all due whatsit respect, bugger off. I'm no poof."

"I'm not saying you're a 'poof' Ray," She sighed, thinking carefully about her next words, "You're not a 'poof', you just have feelings about Gene. No shame in that," Ray lit a cigarette and took a long swig of his pint, "Your silence speaks volumes I'm afraid. Ray, this will never, EVER, go further than these beer mats..."

"FINE," Ray thumped his hand on the table causing their drinks to spill over, pooling around the bottom of each glass, "It gives me the heeby-jeebies alright? It's not natural. What would Chris say? Or Sam or...God, the Guv'd kill me..."

"All because you're 'Gay for the Guv'?"

"Forget I said anything..." He began to stand up.

"No, Ray, I'm sorry. That was really...childish of me. So go on, tell me all about it. When, how...why. Start from the beginning."

As she took a much needed gulp of vino, Ray began to divulge the secret he'd been holding onto for decades. How he'd always fancied women but there was something about his superior officer that he couldn't shift from his mind, why he'd followed him down to London in the first place.

"All this time and you've never told anyone?" Alex asked as the barman placed yet another round of drinks on the unlikely couple's table top.

"Nope, they'd all...they'd all say I was a...f-f-fairy." He slurred roughly, draining his pint and squinting into the bottom glass.

"Well, I 'fink you should tell him...one day."

"Maybe I WILL!"

Alex raised her glass in a toast.

"To you coming out of the metropolitan cupboard!"

Ray met her glass with his own but added in a whisper loud enough to carry to the other side of the deserted pub.

"Will you bloody shut up," Alex raised an eyebrow at him, "Ma'am..."

******

The two stumbled into Luigi's; laughing at all the little quirks of their DCI that they both loved and drove them mad at the same time.

As they bustled through the door, the entire team looked up in confusion. They were used to seeing DI Drake and the Guv getting pissed, but Ray and the DI?

"'Ere Bollyknickers, I thought you only 'ad eyes for yours truly and Tory boys!"

"And that lawyer bloke Boss?"

"Shut up Chris, you berk," Gene downed his measure of scotch and eyed the new-comers, "Bloody 'ell Raymundo, you're acting worse than Miss drunken Bollyknickers 'ere. What 'av you two been up to?"

Ray shot a minute glance at Alex. Praying, hoping...BEGGING she'd remember her beer mat promise, luckily she didn't miss a beat with response.

"For your information Gene, I introduced Ray to one of my female friends...he was a hit."

Gene narrowed his eyes at his DI and then smirked at Ray.

"Good man Raymundo, hope you got at least outside upstairs. Now then Bolly, your usual spot helping me polish off Luigi's house rubbish is vacant, I suggest you stop playin' bloody match-maker and park your rump."

Alex staggered over to Gene's table with all the dignity she could muster. But not before Ray brushed past her to join the lads and muttered, "Thanks...Alex."


End file.
